Reflections: Relationship and the right to speak

Has anyone else noticed that many people seem to think they should comment on anything and everything, regardless of whether it is actually their business or whether they have anything constructive to say? I’m not talking about well-written letters to the editor or commentary shared on public pages; rather, I’m referring to those people who jump right in to criticize news shared by others, without taking time to actually read the posted information and learn more about the situation. 

A frequent example is the response when one of our elected Congressional representatives, whom my husband and I consider a friend, posts on social media. He uses such posts, along with email newsletters, to keep constituents informed, for which I’m grateful; but I am frequently horrified by the number of critical or off-topic remarks clearly showing that the commenter didn’t read the full information. Have these people reached out to the Congressman’s office? Attended a town hall meeting?  

In a more personal example, after being diagnosed with cancer 18 years ago, I began hearing from people who had all the answers. Some blamed my diet (which most didn’t know), my need for certain supplements (which they conveniently sold via multi-level marketing), or my lack of faith (without asking me about my spiritual journey). 

I’d summarize those and many other situations by saying I believe the right to speak comes from relationship, and I think the Apostle Paul would agree. Romans chapter 15 contains many indicators of the importance Paul placed on relationships and Christian fellowship: Phrases like “bear with the shortcomings of the weak,” “harmony with one another,” and “overflowing with hope.” Even when mature believers “instruct one another,” Paul reminds them to be “full of goodness” from their own growth in Christ and not from their own merits, using himself as an example because of God’s grace in his own life. 

In Galatians 2, Paul addresses the need to pray and build relationships before becoming critical, and chapter 6 of the same letter reminds Christians to restore one another with “a spirit of gentleness” and “carry one another’s burdens” (BSB). 

Today’s social media and the easy access to news have created a climate where everyone can comment on everything, but that doesn’t mean we should. Do I have a relationship that entitles me to speak? If I’m a constituent, I do have the right to speak when a politician shares news, but not if I’m rude or unappreciative of their service. If I’m a member of a church or organization, I earn the right to speak by being a regular and supportive attendee. If a friend is going through a rough time, my own lived experience might allow me to be helpful—but only if the timing is right and our relationship gives me insight. 

Can I speak to someone’s spiritual condition or their interpretation of the Bible? Maybe—I’m not the Holy Spirit, but I do have some Bible training, but do I have a relationship with that person? Have I asked questions to understand their view? It’s amazing how, even on social media, a polite tone and asking questions builds better conversation than just spouting off. When my own kids were growing up, I had authority as their mom, but that didn’t mean I knew what was going on at school or in social situations unless I took time to listen. It wasn’t always easy building communication, and we had our rough patches; but I tried, and they still sometimes ask for my input because the relationship is there. 

Many Proverbs deal with the importance of listening, whereas the person who speaks hastily is often described as “a fool.” As our society seems more and more chaotic, I don’t want to enable bad behavior or immoral decisions, but I do want to build relationships before I feel entitled to speak.