Breakfast at Tiffany’s: What myasthenia gravis is teaching me

What on earth is myasthenia gravis (MG)? That’s the same question I asked several months ago when my neurologist said she thought I might have it. I was still a little confused after she described it as a rare neuromuscular autoimmune disease where the body’s immune system produces autoantibodies that mistakenly block or damage acetylcholine receptors on muscle cells, disrupting the signals sent from nerves to muscles and causing weakness and rapid fatigue in voluntary muscles (forgive my AI rendering of this explanation).

As she broke it down for me, my years of struggling with major fatigue, muscle weakness, double vision and many other symptoms with no explanation suddenly made sense. Upon confirmation of this diagnosis, I did more of my own research and came up with an easier way to explain it to friends and family: MG is a disease that attacks the “cell” towers in my muscles that receive signals from my brain. Though there isn’t a cure (based on a scientific perspective and not necessarily on a biblical one), rest and certain medications help me temporarily rebuild those towers so the signal can get through until another attack, or when triggers like exertion, stress, heat, infection or other factors knock them down again. Avoiding those triggers and allowing myself time to rest can keep my “cell” towers up and running longer.

If you keep up with my column, you may have read my very transparent and vulnerable article back in November called, “In absence of answers.” At the time, I was still trudging through the diagnostic process with no real answers and admitted how fearful, angry and overwhelmed I allowed it to make me feel at times. The Lord met my raw honesty with a loving reminder to keep my eyes on Him and not on the waves, even when absolutely nothing made sense. Now that I have answers from a medical perspective, I am more able to understand my physical limitations and receive medical treatment that gives me a better quality of life in some ways. This is certainly a relief, but it’s not everything. The medical diagnosis says there is no cure. Thankfully, however, the Cross says I have plenty of reasons to believe otherwise.

While disease is often a result of life in this fallen world, it does not negate the truth of God’s word when He promised: “I am the Lord that healeth thee” (Exodus 15:26). I have seen and experienced instantaneous, miraculous healings that science could not explain. God has not chosen to give me such a healing yet when it comes to MG, however, and I would be lying if I said I haven’t questioned God or doubted the validity of His promises at times. When the MG flares up with a vengeance and I can do nothing more than lay in bed (sometimes for days on end), I’ve spent more hours than I’d like to admit feeling sorry for myself and dipping into deep seasons of depression. Guilt engulfs and isolates me while well-meaning friends offer platitudes and over-simplified solutions. Still, those sacred texts I have read, memorized and repeated since childhood remind me to give thanks in all circumstances—and in giving thanks, my world begins to transform from despair to hope.

You see, I’m finding that healing is often a process and not an isolated event. And whether illness has ravaged my body due to bad decisions, bad habits, or simply because I live in this fallen, broken world—nothing can get to me without going through my God first because I am His child. This is reason enough to rejoice because I have never experienced a seemingly hopeless situation that He did not turn around in some way for my good and for His glory. Consider what Jesus said in John 15:

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing… Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father's commandments, and abide in his love. These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full (John 15:5, 8-10).

Though I still consider MG an unwelcomed guest and fully believe in God’s promises for my eventual healing, I’m learning not to be in such a hurry anymore. I don’t want to stop short of learning the more valuable and eternal principle of abiding in the Vine—bearing the true fruit of discipleship that brings glory to God. When MG makes me physically weak, I remember that His power is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). When MG depletes me, I am reminded that physical rest is a necessity and a biblical mandate (Heb. 4:9-11), and that Jesus took naps, too (Mark 4:35-41)! When MG steals my ability to “power through” everything I once thought was so important, I’m reminded that my body is a temple to be cherished and not a machine to be pushed beyond its limits (1 Cor. 3:19-20). MG has forced me to stop and reevaluate what is truly important and to shed the things that were merely distractions from God’s purpose for my life. It has taught me to humbly rely on God for things I once took for granted. It has taught me to abide, and for that I am grateful.