Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Creating a safe, biblical atmosphere for communication

For any relationship to thrive—whether it be familial, marital, or any other important relationship—having a safe atmosphere for communication is absolutely vital. This is especially true when disagreements or offenses arise within those relationships. One key to maintaining great communication is to have a respect for basic human rights (personal and of others), as well as our biblical obligations as Christians when it comes to interacting with people.

I have compiled a small guide to safe biblical communication based on the rights and obligations we have not only as Christians, but as human beings. While this is not an exhaustive list, I believe it is a great start for anyone who desires to overcome some of the relational obstacles of life.

1.     We both have the right to be completely heard and accepted without judgment, accusation, offense or preconceived notions.

We both have the biblical obligation to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry or offended.

·       “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20)

2.     We both have the right not to be called names, categorized with labels, cursed at, yelled at, or physically harmed.

We both have the biblical obligation not to belittle or put each other down, not to let any obscene talk come out of our mouths, and not to physically harm one another.

·       “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31) 

3.     We both have the right to be seen as we are and not as we were, or to have sins that have been repented of brought back into conversations. We both have the right to a safe atmosphere where we can admit our wrongs without condemnation.

We both have the biblical obligation to forgive each other for wrongs done or wrongs confessed of, spurring one another on to good works.

·       “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” (Proverbs 17:9)

·       “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works.” (Hebrews 10:24)

4.     We both have the right not to be judged by or compared to someone else’s behavior or to

live under anyone else’s shadow except that of the Lord.

We both have the biblical obligation to see the other person as God sees us and not through a lens of past pain the other person wasn’t involved with; We both have the biblical obligation to forgive those in our past who hurt us, so we don’t carry that resentment into other relationships.

·       “Love… is not irritable or resentful;” (1 Corinthians 13:5b)

·       “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.” (Psalm 91:1)

5.     We both have the right not to be seen through the lens of someone else’s fear or insecurity.

We both have the biblical obligation to believe the best about each other and not to predict behaviors or build walls based on what we are afraid the other person might do.

·       “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” (1 John 4:18)

·       Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7)

6.     We both have the right to our own opinion and not to have our faith or personal beliefs mocked, scoffed at, or knocked down—no matter how different they may be from someone else’s.

We both have the biblical obligation not to force our beliefs on any other person, to be patient with their weaknesses, not to be envious of their strengths, and not to gloat over their mistakes. 

·       “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant  or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-6)