Out of the mouths of babes: Cute, funny and heartwarming quotes from kids

COMPILED BY TIFFANY GRAVETT

My daughter in law handed 21-month-old Evelyn to her father; Evelyn immediately wanted down.

Daddy: What am I, chopped liver?

Evelyn: Yeah…

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“I asked God to teleport me, but he didn’t!” -Daniel during a thunderstorm

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Malachi, at the beginning of the church meeting yesterday, as they called the meeting to order and it went silent:

"That was me, I farted." And he did. Very loudly.

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We drove by a neighbor’s brick mailbox on the side of a narrow road that was in total ruins on the ground. (Likely destroyed by a careless driver). My daughter sees it and says, “Oh, man! I hope all their mail got out ok!” Like we had just witnessed a cave-in and there were folks trapped inside. I looked over at her, trying not to instantly laugh my head off, thinking she was making one of her off-the-wall humor jokes…she was dead serious. She really does love getting mail. 

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We were in the grocery store, and Little Doug was begging me to let him push the cart.

Me: “Buddy, no. You are a bad driver.” He continued to beg me, and I gave in but said: “You better not run into anything or anyone!” A few minutes later he runs into my back with the cart.

Me: “Buddy! Watch where you are going!” A little while later he hits me in the hip with the cart. Me: “Buddy! Watch where you are going!” A couple minutes later, he catches my heel with the cart and almost trips me. I turned around and gave him the mom glare.

Little Doug: “What Mom? Didn’t you read my label? Walking in front of me is not recommended.” –age 7 (The Wisdom of Little Doug, Cami Behl, 2022)

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My pastor's 5-year-old granddaughter was baptized last month and went around telling everyone she was getting sanitized!

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Resting on the couch, minding my business…

(From the other room) “Mom! I’m probably gonna need a helmet for this.” -Vivi, age 4

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When I asked if the kids had said anything cute recently that I could put in this column, my sister-in-law replied, “Does it just have to be from kids? Cause I say some funny crap.”

Also, my sister-in-law: “Imagine how much brain power it would take to be smart.”