Out of the mouths of babes: Cute, funny and heartwarming quotes from kids

COMPILED BY TIFFANY GRAVETT, Staff Writer

A few years back, my little girl comes to my office and asks if she can have.... and I quote “cat paws.” Now I spend the next 45 minutes discussing and trying to interpret from my daughter exactly what she is asking of me, with her big brown cow eyes. Kit-kat bar.... she was asking for a Kit-kat... and suddenly I was able to make everything right in her world.

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My wife and I had just gotten home from church, where I am the pastor. We had a 5-year-old boy at the time and my wife was pregnant, eight months or so along. We walked in the door, and my wife goes to the sink where she folds over with a Braxton Hicks contraction. She is clearly in pain. My son being very concerned asks, “Mommy, are you ok? Did you hurt your [childlike name for male part]?” We were on the ground laughing! The innocence of childhood!

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Eight-year-old to her mom: “Look, Mom! I have fat legs like you, and I like them!”

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We were playing outside in the pool, and my daughter told me to do my best Statue of Liberty pose. Me trying to remember, said I think she’s holding something in her arm. Bella replied, “Oh yes! I think it’s an iPad!”

She also came running to me and said, “Mom, I bless you’d and got snot all over my iPad.” 

Me: Confused for a second until I finally realized she thought a sneeze was called a “bless you.” 

She is clearly an iPad kid!

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Kate (6): “Matthew, who are you going to be in love with... Laura, Beth, Nicole...?” (listing a few girls from class) 

Matthew (4): “I’m in love with Mommy.” 

Kate: “You can’t marry Mommy!” 

Matthew: “But she is the one I’m in love with.” [1]

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Little Doug (11) and I were watching a YouTube in which a parent gave his kid a bunch of money to spend on something foolish, so that when it failed he could teach his kid a lesson. I said to Little Doug jokingly: “What do you think? Should I try that parenting method?” Little Doug: “It wouldn’t work, Mom.” Me: “Why do you say that?” Little Doug: “Cause you could only afford to do it once, and I’m a man! —we never learn our lesson the first time!”

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[1] Scribe, Alex. Funny Things Kids Say: Hilarious True Quotes (Family Laughs Book 1) (p. 54). (Function). Kindle Edition.