Breakfast at Tiffany’s: Search me

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139:23-24

As I get older, I am becoming more acquainted with doctors and the many tests they must run to ensure that my insides are working correctly and aren’t being invaded by something life-threatening. Appointments for scans, x-rays, or labs are never something I look forward to. They are inconvenient, for one, and could eventually lead to invasive treatments like surgery. Despite my dislike of these things, however, I have a general trust that they are for my good. If one of my doctors finds something that appears life-threatening and tells me I need to “go under the knife,” I will most likely follow their recommendation, no matter how painful and long of a process it promises to be or how much I dread it.   

There is another type of necessary evaluation I have often agreed to hesitantly—one of a spiritual sort. It comes from a well-known prayer of David where he asks God to search his heart for anything wicked, and to lead him in the way everlasting. My hesitation with this prayer is not because I doubt that God wants good for me in the end. I hesitate because when God opens my eyes to the sinful state of my heart—even after all my human striving to please Him—I am often deeply saddened and disgusted by what I didn’t know was there or simply chose not to see.With this knowledge also comes the harsh reality that sometimes a spiritual “surgery” is necessary to heal or remove what could lead to my spiritual depredation. 

The physical cutting away of things that have been growing inside—no matter how destructive they were—often requires a painful time of recovery while being nursed back to health and making sure that nothing toxic enters the suture. Once healed and the threat of infection is past, therapy is often necessary to retrain and strengthen the body to function as it should—sometimes better than ever before! These things can also be true of a spiritual “cutting away,” especially if sin and dysfunction have become a way of life. However, we can fully trust the Great Physician to carry this out with the utmost love and concern for our wellbeing if we simply follow His process. 

After committing some grievous sins against the Lord, we see David in Psalm 51 crying out for “spiritual surgery” from the very One he had wronged, knowing that joy awaited him at the other side of this painful process. His prayer is full of honesty, remorseful confession and a driving desire to be close to God again. We also see him appealing to and trusting in God’s loving and merciful character from a heart that has known Him intimately:

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions… For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me… Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom… Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice… Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me… Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. (Psalm 51:1, 3, 6, 8, 10, 12)

Run to the Great Physician with your spiritual ailments, my friends! His searching of our hearts, His breaking down to bind us up, and His tender, restorative care for our souls—is the only prescription for lasting joy.