Breakfast at Tiffany’s: A season of gleaning

Strength and honour are her clothing; And she shall rejoice in time to come. Proverbs 31:25

Having gone through a recent season of physical affliction, my pride and sense of self-worth have taken a huge blow. Though it has been painful, I am forever thankful for the things God is teaching me. Nonetheless, I still fight the urge daily to measure myself by the American ideal of the successful woman. Because my body wouldn't let me hold a job right now if I wanted to (and I most definitely want to), I struggle to see my worth when my most noble efforts rarely equate to cash in my hand. I've had to swallow my pride and ask for help which sometimes brings feeling of humiliation for not being able to pick myself up by my bootstraps like I used to.

I recently drove past a cornfield that had been harvested everywhere but the corners. I immediately thought of Ruth, who gleaned leftover grain from the corners of Boaz's fields to provide food for herself and her mother-in-law, Naomi, during their mutual season of widowhood and poverty. Boaz was a godly man who had been blessed with much, and he had left the corners of his field unharvested in obedience to God's law as a provision to the needy and the weary traveler. Though it wasn't Ruth's own grain from her own field, and though she had to seek it out and harvest it herself, she did all of it with thankfulness and hope that God had a plan for her future. She may not have had her own money to spend, but the food she gathered as the result of God's kindness and provision through Boaz was worth its weight in gold to her and Naomi. It not only ensured their survival, but it also reminded them that Jehovah Jireh, their Provider, was near and watching over them.

As I continued driving, it felt like God was telling me, "It's ok to glean for a season." These words reassured me that I have no reason to feel humiliated. You see, because I can't work in the modern sense of the word right now, the extra time and lack of income have driven me to be resourceful. I'm constantly finding new ways to save money by seeking out the "corners of fields" left specifically for people in our situation.

It hasn't been easy showing up to food banks when just last year I was running a thriving business. But when I swallowed my pride and simply received people's generosity with thanksgiving, I realized that they were just as blessed to have given. While this doesn't instantly give us all we need, I spend the extra time I now have making things myself, working with my hands to repair things instead of always paying someone else to do it, and sorting through piles of accumulated wealth that we don't need anymore and selling them on Marketplace and other platforms to supplement my husband's hard-earned income. I'm also able to do some freelance writing for extra cash.

In the meantime, I'm getting to be creative and keep my mind sharp solving problems, our home is feeling less cluttered, and I'm creating wise and frugal habits that will be useful for the rest of our lives. Though I can't do much, you can rest assured that I will do everything I CAN. And if God is satisfied with that and still calls me worthy, why shouldn't I be satisfied with that as well?

One of the obvious marks of the Proverbs 31 woman is her resourcefulness in working to provide for her family. This didn't always equate to cash in her hand, either. Nonetheless, the proverb says she is to be praised. Why? Because everything she puts her hand to is done unto the Lord. Though her life wasn't handed to her on a silver platter, she lives in constant awareness of the God who will take the work of her hands and bless it tenfold so that she can bless others—not to accumulate personal wealth or to spend her wages on things that help her fit society's expectations of beauty. She can laugh at the days to come without fear, because her strength and hope are in the God who cares for her every need—whether it be spiritual, physical, or financial. She understands her limitations and lives in the assurance that God will make up for where she lacks. She is the picture of godly strength and dignity all wrapped up in a calm, kind, and gentle package. Her joy defies understanding, not because she hasn't counted the cost or doesn't know that snow and rains and storms will come. But because she is confidently aware that her God will never fail her.

If you find yourself in a difficult season of life that requires asking for or receiving help, there is no reason to feel ashamed. We all, at some point, will experience times of need. Those times can develop within us a deeper compassion for others, strength we never knew we had, and the opportunity to experience the loving kindness of God through the hands of other human beings.