Gullnac the Magnificent ‘divines’ Branson

By: Gary Groman a.k.a. The Ole Seagull


Gary Groman

On the “Tonight Show,” Johnny Carson had a recurring role involving “Carnac the Magnificent,” a fictional “mystic from the far east.” Carnac would hold a hermetically sealed envelope containing a question to his head and “divine” an answer to the question in the envelope before opening it and sharing the question with the audience.

The answer that got the all-time longest laugh from the audience is a great one to use as an example. Carnac takes the sealed envelope with the unseen question, holds it up to his head, and “divines” the answer saying, “Sis Boom Bah.” The question in the envelope read, “Can you describe the sound made when a sheep explodes?”

Recently the Ole Seagull met a fictional character named “Gullnac the Curious” from Lala Land, professing that he has mystic powers like Carnac’s. To test him, the Ole Seagull wrote a series of questions and put them into separate hermetically sealed envelopes. He then gave them to Gullnac, one at a time, to test his “mystic” powers. Let’s see how he did:

Gullnac divines, “The voters of Branson.” The question in the envelope reads, “Who gets the type of government they deserve?”

Gullnac divines, “Ten months or less.” The question in the envelope reads, “How long will it be before the city of Branson approves a TIF above $100 million?”

Gullnac divines, “I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.” The question in the envelope reads, “Who will be the applicant for that TIF?”

Gullnac divines,” $142,000.” The question in the envelope reads, “What is the reported difference between the ending balance of Branson’s Public Safety Tax Fund in 2018 and its 2019 Beginning Balance?”

Gullnac divines, “Ward II Alderman Larry Milton.” The question in the envelope reads, “Which Branson Alderman has raised a “red flag” about the City of Branson’s administration of its Public Safety Tax Fund?

Gullnac divines, “No…” The question in the envelope reads,” “What is the reported answer that the Chairman of the Public Safety Tax Fund Oversite Committee gave when asked, ‘Does the Oversight Committee review the financials for this fund?’”

Gullnac divines, “10.” The question in the envelope reads, “The maximum number of new visitors that will come to Branson because of the undergrounding of utilities on Highway 76?”

Gullnac divines, “0” The question in the envelope reads, “The maximum number of prior visitors that will return to Branson because of the undergrounding of utilities on Highway 76?”

Gullnac divines, “In Branson, you can.” The question in the envelope reads, “Can you get a visit from the FBI if you call your elected Alderman, express your opinion on an issue, and ask them if they would change their position on an issue?”

Gullnac divines: “Unbelievable!” The question in the envelope reads, “What do you think of the City Administrator’s public statement alleging that, “During the January 14, 2020, City of Branson Board of Alderman meeting,… Alderman Kevin McConnell stated he had a conflict of interest and didn’t vote on the bill due to a threat from a client to withhold business if he voted?”

Gullnac divines, “We better hope not.” The question in the envelope reads, “Do the words, ‘I have been asked by a client to change my vote’ mean the same thing as ‘I have been threatened by a client to withhold business unless I change my vote?’”

Gullnac divines, “Because he is who he is.” The question in the envelope reads, “Why did the mayor suddenly change the Public Comment portion of the Board meetings from the way it has been run for over at least the last 30 years?”

Gullnac divines, “Gullnac doesn’t do a rhetorical questions.” The question in the envelope reads, “Why aren’t people laughing as they read this?”

(The comments on this page are the opinions of the writer, and not necessarily those of Branson Globe, or its staff. Want to weigh-in? Have something to say? Share it with us in your own Letter to the Editor. See submission guidelines in lower left corner of this page.)


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